notes for Honeysmack's ROCK, Smelly Records/Shock, 2003
How are you? Things are fine here. They’re treating
me real well . The injections don’t hurt s much now.
The hard thing at first was I wasn’t allowed to use
my stage name ‘DJ Kool Dude’. I felt a bit naked,
cos you know how much I liked calling myself a DJ. It really
made me feel so different from everyone else. I was able
to pass the introductory de-programming sessions. They say
this is common, cos most DJs are fuckwits who pretend to
be doing something while they have headphones on. And yeah,
they’re right: the medication lets me see clearly
what I loser I was. How embarrassing! But we all laugh about
it now. I’m also glad that they removed me from my
job as a website designer, too. There are still some kids
here who think the internet is ‘rad’. They let
them use it, but the keyboards are placed in the urinals.
It’s funny when you go to have a pee and you’re
standing on top of another guy trying to download an MP3.
Oh yeah – we had a visit from a guy from JJJ who runs
a hip hop night, and we beat the shit out of him. It was
fun. He was bleeding, so I guess he was ‘keeping it
real’ alright. They also gave us some extra medication
and sent us out on a test mission. We weren’t sure
what to do at first, but when we arrived at a ‘rave’
club it was cool. (I shit you not: the sign outside said
‘rave’!) We could just shoot our guns without
even having to aim. I felt a bit sorry for one guy, but
then I noticed he was wearing a Lord Of The fucking Rings
T-shirt, so I finished him off quick smart. I better wrap
it up now. We’ve connected all our synths into the
phone lines at the electricity plant on the other side of
town. You’ve probably seen it on the news by now.
I’m in the big room at the back where those pissy
tanks can’t get in. We’re rocking out big time!
We had to off the main technicians here cos they scored
badly in our Kiss test. Then they started to smell, but
we found a chute to dump them in. We’ve been mainlining
the voltage and mixing it with our medication. It’s
freaking fantastic. Fuck, I love you mum. If I don’t
see you in court or something, well …I’ll see
you in hell.