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CD notes for Honeysmack's ROCK, Smelly Records/Shock, 2003

Hi, Mum

How are you? Things are fine here. They’re treating me real well . The injections don’t hurt s much now. The hard thing at first was I wasn’t allowed to use my stage name ‘DJ Kool Dude’. I felt a bit naked, cos you know how much I liked calling myself a DJ. It really made me feel so different from everyone else. I was able to pass the introductory de-programming sessions. They say this is common, cos most DJs are fuckwits who pretend to be doing something while they have headphones on. And yeah, they’re right: the medication lets me see clearly what I loser I was. How embarrassing! But we all laugh about it now. I’m also glad that they removed me from my job as a website designer, too. There are still some kids here who think the internet is ‘rad’. They let them use it, but the keyboards are placed in the urinals. It’s funny when you go to have a pee and you’re standing on top of another guy trying to download an MP3. Oh yeah – we had a visit from a guy from JJJ who runs a hip hop night, and we beat the shit out of him. It was fun. He was bleeding, so I guess he was ‘keeping it real’ alright. They also gave us some extra medication and sent us out on a test mission. We weren’t sure what to do at first, but when we arrived at a ‘rave’ club it was cool. (I shit you not: the sign outside said ‘rave’!) We could just shoot our guns without even having to aim. I felt a bit sorry for one guy, but then I noticed he was wearing a Lord Of The fucking Rings T-shirt, so I finished him off quick smart. I better wrap it up now. We’ve connected all our synths into the phone lines at the electricity plant on the other side of town. You’ve probably seen it on the news by now. I’m in the big room at the back where those pissy tanks can’t get in. We’re rocking out big time! We had to off the main technicians here cos they scored badly in our Kiss test. Then they started to smell, but we found a chute to dump them in. We’ve been mainlining the voltage and mixing it with our medication. It’s freaking fantastic. Fuck, I love you mum. If I don’t see you in court or something, well …I’ll see you in hell.

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